banana republic

I thought writing about the cutesy little banana hammock would be all there was to say about bananas:


http://lettuceknife.blogspot.com/2008/11/banana-hammock.html


I even added the part at the bottom about the stupid banana carrying case. What else could there possibly be to write about?


Sadly, there's plenty more as it happens. Recent travels through the interwebs have unearthed the following:















The banana slicer.


When I was a kid I would frequently slice up a banana to put in my cereal. Even as a wee lad it wasn't so hard to accomplish the task using your basic butter knife. The problem, of course, was that the slices were always so uneven. Some were 1/4", some were 7/16", sometimes they even ended up as 1/2"! All over the place. Shockingly, I was able to consume these banana slices with few trips to the emergency room.




Next we have the banana saver.


















Ever only wanted half of the banana? I can see it happening. Sometimes those suckers are HUGE. However, did we really need a clip on device for preserving the place where the banana was cut? Does plastic wrap not work just fine? What happens if you just leave it unwrapped in the fridge? Do you not have a dog to share the banana with? This is all just too reminiscent of the tomato keeper (see earlier post) and I just don't like it.




Then there's this bit of idiocy.



















One of the convenient things about the banana, as noted scientist Kirk Cameron pointed out in that fascinating video, is that it's really quite easy to peel. Going back to when I was knee-high to a grasshopper and slicing bananas into my cereal, I seem to recall that if you hold the banana in one hand you can use the other to snap the top back and peel back the skin. If the banana was under ripe then it could be tough but the banana is under ripe and shouldn't be eaten yet.




And now I share with you the most egregious banana related piece of crap. It's a little hard to tell from the photo but this as a terra cotta banana baker.



















I understand that bananas are a versatile little fruit. Eat them on their own, make a tasty quick bread, saute one with some brown sugar and rum. Once, in Scotland, I even had banana as a topping on a pizza. I do not recommend it but the British seem to revere bananas the way Hawaiians adore SPAM.


Anyway, I do not know what one might use a banana baker for. Helpfully, it comes with a recipe. It also comes with a crap load of instructions:

• Before using for the first time, wash thoroughly with hot water.
• Do not use soaps.
• Rinse well then completely immerse in water and soak both the top and bottom for about 15 minutes.
• Before each time you use it after the the first time, rinse the inside of the base and lid under cold tap water. Pour off the excess liquid.

Pass the aspirin, my head hurts.

Now for the "recipe":

• Place peeled banana in the baker.
• Place the baker in a cold oven and bake at 325 degrees for 15-20 minutes depending on the ripeness of the banana.

What? It takes longer to prep the damn thing than to actually make a baked banana. While we're on the subject, if I really wanted a baked banana (cause maybe I'm British or something) could I just use a baking dish I already own and cover with some foil? Does the terra cotta impart some flavor? It seems unlikely. Also, the stupid thing shows the banana being peeled from the bottom up. Seriously, did the designed never have a banana?

There are some other "recipes" provided. Mostly they're just recommendations of things to add like hazelnuts or chocolate sauce. Not especially innovative.

Until...

At the very end they share the recipe for "Savory Banana".

You are instructed to wrap a banana inside a slice of ham and place in the baker. Bake for a bit, add some cheese and bake for a bit more.

Really though if you're going to do something like this you should just go all the way.

Why not prepare a true delight? I give you Ham and Bananas Hollandaise.

Call it Bahamandaise for short.

It's really good served with grapes, apparently.



Credit for sharing Bahamandaise: CC Miranda of Gather.com (that's her thumb in the scan) via Michael Ninja #2 Kitteh. Truly selfless people.